It may seem like a silly question for an adult to ask: What is sex? But after speaking and corresponding with thousands of people over the years I’ve come to believe that many of our problems about sex are actually problems of definition. As such every search for information, tips and techniques, or answers to sexual problems can benefit from taking a moment to make sure we know what we’re talking about when we talk about sex.
Definitions of Sex
Anna Freud famously wrote that “sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are.” This way of understanding sex highlights the difference between the act of sex and the individual experience of sexuality, which is an intrinsic part of who we are, one that can’t be separated out of ourselves any more than our ethnicity or religious/spiritual beliefs.Dictionary definitions of sex tend to be less literary, offering several definitions including:
1. Sex is a way of distinguishing male and female members of a species, usually by referencing their reproductive functions.
2. Sex refers to coitus or intercourse, an act that can result in reproduction.
3. Sex refers to the genitals.
The answer you get to the question “what is sex” depends largely on who you ask. A doctor might tell you that sex is defined by hormones in your body; a therapist might say that sex is all in your head; a guru may tell you that sex is about getting closer to God. Given such broad definitions, it can be helpful to narrow your focus and figure out what aspect of sex you want to learn more about.
* Famous Quotes about Sex and Sexuality
* Sex Definitions and Glossary
Statistics about Sex
One way to define sex is to find out what others are doing in the name of sex, and try to count and categorize these behaviors. It can be informative and reassuring to discover the kinds of sexual diversity in the world (indeed many researchers choose to look at sexual behaviors in other animal species, not just humans). But always keep in mind that statistics can only capture one aspect of sex, and for the thousands of individuals who are counted, millions are not.
* Where to Find Statistics about Sexual Behaviors
* Statistics on Teen Sexual Behavior
Sex Is Our Body
The most obvious and most frequently talked about part of sex is the physical part that involves our bodies. The sexual parts of our bodies are usually considered to be the parts that relate to reproduction: the genitals. But every part of our body can play a role in sex. We may use our feet to physically get us to where we’re going to have sex, we might use our elbows, thighs, or eyelashes during sex play, our earlobes may be involved in unexpected ways. Learning more about how your body works when having sex, and how you can work it more, and better, can expand your definition of sex exponentially.
* Sexual Anatomy and Response
* Sex How Tos and Sex Tips
* Sex Beyond Intercourse
Sex Is Our Mind
It’s often said that the greatest sex organ is the mind. How we think and feel about our bodies and ourselves, and how we interpret the physical contact we have with others is really what distinguishes good sex from bad. While some people worry about “over thinking” sex, the fact is that exploring our sexual thoughts and feelings may be much more important than trying on the latest sex position or role play outfit.
* Body Image and Sexuality
* How to Talk about Sex
* What Makes a Great Lover?
Sex Is Our Spirit
Sex and religion may appear to be unlikely bedfellows, but most major religions have a lot to say about sexuality (). And besides, saying that sex can be defined in spiritual terms doesn’t have to include organized religion. For some, sex is spiritual because they do feel like it brings them closer to a “higher power.” For others it is their personal religious beliefs that guide their sexual behaviors. Regardless of how it impacts you, your religious or spiritual beliefs and convictions make up part of your personal definition of sex, and exploring them is another way of exploring sex.
* Spiritual Sex
* Abstinence-only Sex Education
Sex Is Our Health
Expanding a definition of sex to include sexual health is a good way to bring all these different parts of sex together. Over 30 years ago the World Health Organization defined sexual health as:
“…a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.”
the meanings of sex
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